My present time is without dispute my most difficult. I am out of college and out of work. I am unsure of how, where or if I will do so. At the same time, and more prominently problematic is my fragmented mental state. I have been, for approximately the past year and a half, been gradually descending into a state of conscious disarray.
How to describe this has been difficult. It’s not a matter of phobia or delirium but of sparse eradic details outside the scope of what was previously categorical as my own brand of normal. What I am at this point is emotionally disconnected, culturally displaced, and mentally disorganized.
By all means I should be something other than what I am. The only way to describe what I feel at this point is as though I am mentally and physically separated — my mind and body are not representative of each other, and as such I do not know how to progress.
I’ve long held my mental strength as an asset — a virtue — yet it does not help me here, as that strength is its own problem; it does not seem as though it’s meant to be that way.
Perhaps things will sort themselves out in time. Maybe all I need is that career break, but again, that’s the compounding issue — I don’t know how. As best as I cna try, I doubt the likelihood of my success. I lack both the qualifications to get my foot in the door, and the interpersonal charisma to make an impact given the opportunity. Regardless of how earnestly I expand my intellectual base, it will never be a substitute for social aptitude.