Logic’s Last Stand

June 2, 2008

Fragment of Your Life

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — Zurahn @ 1:28 am

My present time is without dispute my most difficult. I am out of college and out of work. I am unsure of how, where or if I will do so. At the same time, and more prominently problematic is my fragmented mental state. I have been, for approximately the past year and a half, been gradually descending into a state of conscious disarray.

How to describe this has been difficult. It’s not a matter of phobia or delirium but of sparse eradic details outside the scope of what was previously categorical as my own brand of normal. What I am at this point is emotionally disconnected, culturally displaced, and mentally disorganized.

By all means I should be something other than what I am. The only way to describe what I feel at this point is as though I am mentally and physically separated — my mind and body are not representative of each other, and as such I do not know how to progress.

I’ve long held my mental strength as an asset — a virtue — yet it does not help me here, as that strength is its own problem; it does not seem as though it’s meant to be that way.

Perhaps things will sort themselves out in time. Maybe all I need is that career break, but again, that’s the compounding issue — I don’t know how. As best as I cna try, I doubt the likelihood of my success. I lack both the qualifications to get my foot in the door, and the interpersonal charisma to make an impact given the opportunity. Regardless of how earnestly I expand my intellectual base, it will never be a substitute for social aptitude.


1 Comment »

  1. Don’t go getting a sex change or sticking crayons into your brain now 😛

    Being emotionally disconnected should make looking for jobs or doing interviews easier, since you really don’t care and you have no problem lying or doing whatever it takes to achieve the desired results.

    Personally I just have no ambition to do anything any more except a few key things (Internet, forex.)

    Comment by Yarcofin — June 2, 2008 @ 6:17 am

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