To say I am consistent is a bit of an understatement. In a personal sense, I am not at all apt to change. Perhaps I’ve just been content with who I am, but I haven’t felt great changes in personality or preference, but I daresay I feel a change recently.
Some history: There’s long been a bit of a discrepancy in my own verbal skills; in terms of presentations, speeches and anything prepared, I often did very well. Personally I didn’t really even notice the difference myself, but particularly in high school and college, presentations got a great response. That said, interpersonally, apparently there was something to be desired.
If you want to get a sense of this, you can take a quick look back at episode zero of The Press Room — it’s not pretty, but it was a start. One little ace-in-the-hole so to speak was that I’ve for some odd reason been eloquent also when I’m angry (don’t ask why). I’ve been able to more recently distinguish the difference, and take advantage of it. Between this, the podcast, and other things, something has clicked in my mind–a certain confidence.
It’s curious timing as well. Over the past month, I have gone from miserable to glowing. I’ve still got the same problems, more or less, so it’s not all perfect, but to quote Buffy,
“I just realized something, something that really never occurred to me before. We’re gonna win.”